{Freehand Friday} 3 Ways To Handle Douchebaggery.

It all started because of my mindset.

There I was on a typical slacking Sunday, checking my email.

My belly was full of buttery French toast. The syrup was causing my middle finger to stick to my index finger as I “hunted” and “pecked” the keyboard, trying to enter my password. I could still smell the aroma of the vanilla egg mixture wafting about my house in the style of the Ghost of Christmas Past.

Not because I burned them or anything. No, besides copywriter and editor, I’m also a gourmet chef. So that never happens to me.

I had football on the TV for background noise. The New York Giants were getting their asses handed to them. AGAIN. At least it was a respectable loss. Whatever that means.

I emptied my spam folder, and then, perused my inbox full of client love.

By all accounts I was as I always am on a Sunday; fat, dumb, and happy.

I continued to open email after email as I wrote a to-do list for the week.
-Call so-and-so about subcontracting contract.
-Send so-and-so a handwritten thank you note.
-Edit so-and-so’s manuscript:

Try not to have an aneurism every time the client refers to a human as “that” instead of “who”. Don’t throw the poor computer against the wall because of every double space between sentences. And for the love of God, find an article to educate the client about the Oxford Comma and turn her into the Comma Princess.

I am after all the Comma Queen.

I managed to get rid of 45 emails. I was on a roll. I only had 62 more to go.

I opened the next email with the subject line that read, “You’re the best!”. It was from a client who needed a sales page. I wrote it and sent her the initial draft. In the return email, she praised me for capturing her voice so exquisitely and creating the most compelling call-to-action she’s ever read.

But that’s where the love ended, and the questions started.

You see, this client is a self-proclaimed ” image expert”. She takes amateurs and brands them so they appear to be highly professional experts.

Towards the middle of her email, she said she was reviewing my website again, and wanted to ask me some questions because my brand seemed muddled to her.

The questions included:
-Why was my brand voice so varied?
-Why were my testimonials on LinkedIn and not my website?
-Why do I cater to a certain target market on my website, but do work for other types of entrepreneurs?

The questions went on and on…

I could feel my blood pressure rise higher and higher after every punctuation mark.

Then, she had the audacity to end her email with, “Let’s chat soon. I can take your business to the next level by clearing up some issues with your brand. Here’s my number. Talk soon!”

My mind started to race. “Talk soon”? Who the hell did she think she was? I didn’t solicit feedback from her. What brace balls!

I felt like I had enough adrenaline flowing in my body to take down the toughest linebacker on any football team’s offense.

That’s when it happened.

I was so flustered from the “guru’s” email that when I went to delete it, I accidentally hit select all and emptied my entire inbox.

Just like that. Poof! All 61 unread emails were gone.

I was devastated, and had no way to retrieve them.

That’s when it hit me; how could I be so careless as to let someone sidetrack my blissful Sunday?

Because of my mindset.

I was after all fat, dumb, and happy.

Moral of the story: Don’t let someone else’s words catch you off-guard. You must always be prepared for bullshit.

Here are three ways to be prepared to handle this type of douchebaggery so you don’t lose your cool:

-Acknowledge your greatness, but don’t steep in it. You’re not all that and a cup of tea.

-Recite daily affirmations such as, “The sky is blue. The grass is green. Like nature, I am a calming presence.”

-Invent voice activated email. That way when you say delete, it doesn’t erase your entire inbox.

How do you deal with the naysayers? Tell me in the comments.

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