My four year old niece, Hailey, is the epitome of cute. Her hair’s so curly you’d think somewhere there are three bears searching for their ringmaster. Her eyes are filled with so much wonder and mystery you’d think the world truly is her oyster. And her imagination so vivid you’d think my deaf pit bull really is a great white shark.
A few weeks ago, this little pirate-loving scalawag learned a valuable life lesson.
She did this in three easy steps.
Step 1: Go to pre-school.
It was a typical Tuesday in the life of Hailey. She got up before the sun, ready to tackle a tough day filled with arts and crafts, counting, and napping. With all the ambition of a tornado, she got dressed, cried about having her hair combed, and left for school.
Step 2: Fart.
Upon arrival, she kissed her momma goodbye, put her belongings in her cubby, and greeted her fellow classmates. The day proceeded as any other until arts and crafts. As she imprecisely cut paper shapes using what seemed like two blades of grass, the unthinkable happened; she passed gas, which had more rumble behind it than the aforementioned tornado.
Step 3: Insist on never going back to pre-school.
Her fellow classmates erupted in laughter. But Hailey didn’t think it was so funny. She spent the rest of her day sulking until her daddy picked her up and took her home. Upon arrival, she told her momma about her classmates making fun of her. She insisted she never wanted to go back.
Her momma, understanding the ego-bruising situation, told her that she would in fact return to pre-school. And reiterated, that the next time she passed gas, to be a lady and say “excuse me”.
Life Lesson in Humility:
Hailey, your shit really does stink.
Here’s to you, baby girl, learning life lessons before most adults. AA is proud of you!